"Not of him that wills or of him that runs, but of God that shows mercy."
My name is Maurice Rashad Griffin; husband to Regina Griffin; father to Grace and Lazarus Griffin; Son of God. My testimony is one of mercy. I wish I could tell you that I always had this hunger and passion for God, for people, or for life. There was a time in my life when I didn't care to much about any of those things.
As a young boy, I was raised in the admonition of the Lord but had many questions about the faith I was taught to have. I remember being in church as a teenager questioning if Jesus was some mythical character and if God was real, how come he didn't do things like He did in the days of the bible. I had a decent family life. I had a decent relationship with my mom and siblings, but didn't have the healthiest of relationships with either of my fathers; my biological or step fathers. Even though our home had some dysfunction, we went on functioning as normal as we possibly could.
I was a gifted young man. Excelling at sports, music and even some of my classes. I loved math, a subject that I would have many opportunities to tutor and teach others in. I graduated high school and went on to seek higher education in secondary math education. I figured this would be a good field since it was something that came easy to me. While it appeared I had things going for myself on the outside, inwardly I was in turmoil and confusion. I really didn't know who I was and what I really wanted to do in life. Even though many coached me into believing that I could do something meaningful, I really didn't see it in myself.
I always questioned, "What is my purpose, Why did God put me here, Why did he make me who I am?" While it appeared that I was on the right track, it felt all wrong on the inside. Something within kept me not feeling satisfied with where I was in life and what I was doing. There was a huge hole of dissatisfaction that nothing nor anyone in the world could solve or take away.
Indirectly I began to dive in to many things trying to bring some type of peace to the storms that raged on the inside of me. Sex, drugs and alcohol seemed at the time to be a perfect remedy and a good medicine; but ultimately only caused me to spiral down even further into a pool of depression and loneliness. It became very difficult to see my way out! With no answers to the questions of purpose in sight, suicide became an easy option for a miserable soul. I remember never feeling as low as I did then. Thoughts telling me I didn't matter and it wouldn't matter if I was here or gone. And so I made an attempt. During that attempt I began to think about everything and everyone that mattered in my life, including God. I thought, "What would God think of me? Would He accept me into heaven or would I go to hell?" Sobering thoughts for a person about to attempt to end his life.
Amazing thing when I look back is that God was there all the time. His hand was consistent in every area of my life. After being in that low place, He sent people to help me get back up. Family, of course, and friends; my wife being one of my prime supporters. After some time I came to another low place in my life, where it seemed I was headed down that same dark spiral again. I tried desperately to save myself in many ways. Sex, drugs and alcohol were a regular in my life, sprinkled with a criminal lifestyle to "get ahead in life;" were my daily routine. I even tried to enlist in the army to save myself from the destruction that I seen coming. Then one of my worst experiences happened, which actually became one of my best experiences.
In 2003 I was arrested and brought up in criminal charges. This was the beginning of my journey with God. It is in the penitentiary that I became repentative, met Jesus personally and fully surrendered my life to the Lord. It is here where He began to teach and reveal to me my true identity and purpose which was hid with God in Christ the entire time. It is here where the flame was ignited, and passion brewed for Him and for His people, saved or unsaved. It is here where God began to heal all the broken relationships in my life, including both of my dads. He also helped me to let go of the relationships that caused destruction in my life as well. It is here when I made up my mind to assist others that were lost like I was, discover their true identity and purpose in life.
If you are reading this, know that you are not too far gone from the saving hand of Jesus Christ. Whatever murky waters of sin that you are drowning in, whatever pit of dispair, what ever valley of fear and depression, His hand is not to short where He cannot reach you. You were made for more! You were designed for a purpose! You have a unique destiny that awaits you to fulfill! Whether you realize it or not, you have people that are willing to assist you in that journey! Greatness and prosperity is your portion! God believes in you, Jesus believes in you enough to die for you, and I believe in you too! Arise and shine, for your light and opportunity has come and God's grace is available to strengthen you along the way. You are cut from a different cloth, a royal cloth. Arise!!!